Life Kit Tools To Help You Get It Together Health Money Parenting Dear Life Kit Life Skills Podcast Newsletter Twitter Do less, ask for more: How to make life easier as a working parent April 17, 20265:00 AM ET By
Andee Tagle
,
Malaka Gharib
Maki Nakamura/Getty The first day I returned to work after parental leave, I sat down at my desk, logged into my computer — and silently sobbed right up until my first morning meeting.
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The guilt of leaving my child, the anxiety of starting over at my job, the stress of managing both worlds at once: it was the ultimate case of the Mondays.
Transitioning from "worker" to "parent" to "working parent" can be a shock to the system, says Amy Beacom, founder and CEO of the Center for Parental Leave Leadership.
Parents are often "learning two new roles fast, under a lot of pressure with lack of sleep, zero guidance and zero support," she says.
That's especially the case for mothers. The United States is the only industrialized nation without federal paid leave, and one 2012 report found that 1 in 4 women go back to work within two weeks of having a baby.
While I was one of the lucky ones — I had several months of protected, paid leave — coming back was still a struggle and a huge adjustment.
So whether you're about to return to work or already back, there are ways to set yourself up for success, Beacom says.
Too often, returning parents assume their jobs and schedules are set in stone, so they don't ask their managers for what they want, Beacom says.
But for the most part, companies "want you happy, engaged and supported," she says — so you may be surprised by what they agree to.
Life Kit Bad bosses, low pay, big mistakes: How to navigate the pitfalls of starting a new job Beacom shares a few ideas to smoothen your reentry.
Your workplace will often only be as flexible as you ask them to be, Beacom says. So find how work can work better for you.
Now that you're back at work, you might notice something surprising: Your job might feel a little easier.
"A lot of parents report that having kids, because it introduces all these new complexities, can make them more disciplined and better at getting things done," says brain researcher Darby Saxbe, author of the upcoming book Dad Brain, about the science of fatherhood.
That doesn't mean your life as a working parent will be a walk in the park. If you're feeling overwhelmed, see when you can let "good" be "good enough."
"My best advice to parents is lower your standards," Saxbe says. "Don't expect you're going to be amazing at everything." There are no raises for picture-perfect baby food or trophies for late-night speed-emailing.
If you absolutely must add more to your plate, be intentional about it, says Reshma Saujani, CEO of Moms First, an organization that advocates for affordable child care and paid leave. What is a need and what is just a gold star on your record? How much pressure is self-imposed, and how much is out of your control?
Life Kit The emotional roller coaster of being a new mom Lastly, cut yourself some slack. Parenting can change the brain and body to better meet the needs of caring for your little one — and research shows it can take anywhere from a few months to two years or more for a new parent to feel fully themselves again.
"Respect that this is a transformational time," Saxbe says. "Be patient with yourself and recognize that you may not be 100% for a while."
The digital story was edited by Meghan Keane. The visual editor is CJ Riculan. We'd love to hear from you. Leave us a voicemail at 202-216-9823, or email us at [email protected].
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